PHD #1: The Walking Dead

phd1

PHD, or Player Hater’s Degree, is where our very own Moxipop writers get to vent their built up steam about something beloved and popular. It’s okay. We can like different things and still get along.


(ALL KINDS OF SPOILERS UP AHEAD)

I don’t get The Walking Dead. This isn’t to say I don’t get it on TV, as though I don’t have cable or a TV – because, honestly, who needs either these days to watch a television series, let alone any sort of media? No, I actually do not understand the amount of craze the show has attained, and on top of that viewers have doubled and tripled since the first season. I cannot stress enough how the show used to be good – it was fantastic actually, up until season three came around and broke all my hopes and dreams for there being a phenomenal show about zombies on the air. Let me tell you the story of how my heart broke… it may have shattered and the zombies – you know, the zombies you hardly see on the show these days – might have picked it up and ate it. At least then said heart would have been used productively.

Alright, anyway, the story. Just like the rabid fans you see talking enthusiastically over a cup of coffee or huddled in the corner at a pub about the show today, I was one in the same a little over a year ago. No one could touch my Walking Dead or shame it, you know, it was true love. TV only keeps the notion alive that true love does not and will not last, and your heart will break and perhaps this is one of very few instances it will be eaten by zombies. Seriously, how many zombies have we seen on the show since season 3? How about season 4? I mean, I stopped watching altogether when they killed off Hershel – now that was a new low, WD writers, why’d you take his leg and keep him alive in the first place? You hope snatchers. What is that supposed to do with the plot? If anything I was expecting Maggie or Glenn to be the next one to go in the family, but this is just plain sad.

Season 1 and 2 I was enraptured by the storylines, how the characters came together and even fought one another over petty topics (hey Shane, I’m glad you’re dead now by the way), and the zombies, oh my God, the zombies were incredible! Who didn’t want to be a zombie extra on the show? Season 3 is when things became a little iffy – but I have to say I stuck around for Michonne, because HELLO, she’s badass. The necessity of the Governor I understood, but what was the point of bringing him back in season 4 for that pathetic two-episode interlude that took us away from the prison and into the Governor’s footsteps as though we would see anything different but an atrocious, waste-of-space excuse of a human being who did not deserve to be eaten by zombies? Come on now, he hadn’t changed a bit, and they they got rid of him all the same. It was a filler, people, meaning the writers don’t even know what they’re doing and had to come up with the most random obstacles.

As if weak writing isn’t enough, I cannot express my disappointment in words over the lack of zombies in the series now. There were shocking deaths all throughout season 1, 2, and some even in 3, but then BAM the writers decide they’re going to introduce new characters and kill them off in the very same episode. Um, sure, audiences are totally going to mourn the loss of a momentary character often whose name is not revealed, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. This is a show about zombies, so why don’t we see a lot of them? WHAT’S THE POINT? I’d rather waste my time waiting for Shameless to return or pray to the television gods that season 2 of True Detective will be just as satisfying.

I stopped watching the show, but I’ve still heard plenty about it – I can’t escape these television binds, unfortunately. Now apparently the characters are trapped by human zombies? Great change of pace, guys, I’d rather the war focus on humans versus zombies, if you don’t mind. Oh, and Carol suddenly stepping into the ‘bitch in charge’ role this season? What is that about? Andrea’s gone so they need her to fill the shoes? How did that develop? As though audiences would buy Walter White as the hot-headed Heisenberg had they not seen the transformation every step of the way. Again, I call bullshit.

I’ve not yet come across anyone with a good argument as to why anyone should watch the show because they cannot argue the points I’ve made. Are there consistently shocking deaths? Do zombies have screen time for more than five minutes total per episode? OH AND MY FAVORITE, do the people who die (natural deaths, I mean) come back to life as zombies? Wasn’t that the biggest of all deals in season 3? Now they don’t even honor their zombie-turning guidelines. What a waste. By all means, if you can convince me there’s still hope for the show, I dare you. Til then, how’re you guys liking Game of Thrones? Pretty grand, isn’t it? Purple Wedding, now that’s some good shit right there.


Ani is a twenty-something SoCal native driven by all things pop culture. Armed with a Master’s in communication studies, she spends her days analyzing her surroundings, enjoying live shows and film, traveling the world, eating pho, and being an opinionated individual. She also happens to be the biggest I Love Lucy fan of her generation.

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